As I look out of my bedroom window, all I see is dark. It's 10:35 and I live adjacent to a corn field. However, if it had been six hours or so earlier, or a full moon, I would see a world awash in white. The snow rages on, and on, and on without an end in sight. And accompanying that snow, like some goth chick's sullen friend, is cold. Damn cold. So cold that penguins have actually acquired the ability to fly so they could escape to a more southern climate.
Luckily I received news that the two conventions I have in Orlando this April have been confirmed. Just the thought of warmer weather brings a smile to these chapped lips, even though the trip doesn't happen for 86 days. Just the thought of a Florida spring could make me thaw out my legs in order to make it back from the mailbox. Oh, and did I mention that this trip happens to be in Disney World? And that the Queen and Princess get to come with?
Rereads previous paragraphs.
No, I didn't. Sorry if I came off as sarcastic.
The Queen and I have made the Disney trip quite a lot in our lovely time together. Starting in 2001, after a solid month of badgering, I relented and booked a week long stay at the House of Mouse. From then on we were hooked. Perhaps it was the child in us yearning to get free. Perhaps it was the pampering that Disney gives to all its guests, no matter how smelly. Or perhaps we hate money just sitting in our bank account.
Whatever the reason, I deem myself a Disney World expert*. Over the years I have had at least three people asking how they could have the greatest time of their lives in WDW (that's Walt Disney World out on the street). Now, I have decided to pass on the secrets on getting the most out of any Disney vacation--mostly so people will quit bugging me. I have work to do.
The Top 5 Tips to a Perfect Disney World Vacation:
1.) Exclaim loudly to anyone in earshot how much this vacation costs. Go ahead, you earned it. A little reminder to other guests and cast members of how much of a big spender you are can make the difference between first class service and super first class service. I'm sure most people snuck into the parks anyway, so by telling them you actually paid to go on a vacation should zip you to the front of the line of almost any attraction. Some say it's rude. You know what we call them? Back-of-the-liners.
2.) Remind yourself that you're not "Disney people." Nobody likes to travel with a Pollyanna, and you should have the decency to be the one that brings your family back down to Earth. I'm sure you only agreed to the vacation because you have kids that watch The Suite Life of Whatever Annoying Tween Singer on the Disney Channel, or enjoy making sarcastic comments at herds or "sheeple." You must remind yourself that you're too good for Mickey, because once you let your guard down, the magic will seduce you and you'll end up buying this sweater:
Jack Grubb writes an incredible blog, Losing the Internets, which is read by at least 37 people and over 2,100 Russian SPAM bots. In his spare time he helps small companies find their marketing voice. Jack currently lives deliberately in Appalachia, Kentucky with his wife, two daughters, Jack Russell and a Lego collection beyond compare.